Translation by: Mof’Oluwawo MojolaOluwa
How the tin go take be for ur body if una dey showcase stick for person eye and dem show una the log wey dey una eye? Or if una go visit person for hospital dey greet am say make im well and doctor talk say you sef no dey tanda? Na dat level I dey last night. See I dey dis correct programme wey dem dey talk art and artists and books and writers dem. Na so I carry myself go use toilet o. I comot the cubicle finish say make I wash hand, na so I come put soap for hand, open tap, nothing. I turn am here, turn am there, no wata! See me see gbege o! Wetin person fit do nah, naija toilet una no fit get me!
Na so one big madame comot another cubicle wan come wash im hand o. Na proper VIP wey be say I see am for high table inside the programme. Me come turn to saviour sharperly.
‘Madam no put soap for ur hand o, wata no dey.’
Shuuoo! She look me one kain ‘wetin you talk’ look like dat.
Na im make I repeat myself.
‘Wata no dey d tap o, me self don put soap for hand finish before I see say wata no dey.’
‘You sure?’ She ask.
‘Yes o,’ I still dey do Messiah, carry me water bottle comot for my bag.
Na so the woman press the tap. Choi!
If you see as wata full everywhere!
The kain shame wey catch me so, I no fit cover eye.
‘Ooh!’ Na only dat one gree comot my mouth.
I just open the tap wey dey me front wash me hand too.