HANGMAN

Whenever I remember that saying that he who lives in glass should throw no stones, I remember my fight with Ego. First things first, Ego and I had a long standing feud, one that started about three years ago when Nkiru had Lotanna, my granddaughter. Ego had taken it upon herself to inform everyone who cared to listen, that Obianuju’s much glorified daughter who went to college when all her mates were denied admission had come back pregnant. Even going as far as telling people we were not even certain as to the paternity of the child and that Nkiru had been expelled. She did not stop there. She went on to singlehandedly spearhead my suspension from the Women Circle alleging I could not raise my child properly and that my child had set a bad example for other girls in the village. She even tried to influence the catechist to excommunicate me from church! Just imagine!

Now fast-forward to three weeks ago. The onye ntisa with her own two legs came to my house one afternoon like that to collect one Women Circle due that was not even her duty to collect in the first place and I decided to use that opportunity to congratulate her on her new status as a grandma. And yes, Perpetua got pregnant? You read right. That her over ripe pawpaw daughter with duck legs and ostrich neck who hasn’t even passed JAMB yet! She got pregnant! In fact, rumour had it that three different men laid claims to the child and that she claimed it did not belong to any of them. Imagine! We heard her mother took her to her aunt in Agbor, where she eventually gave birth, when she could no longer bear the shame. The same woman that did all but ask for my head on a platter three years ago! And guess what, our Women Circle people all kept mum. Of course, it’s Women Leader’s daughter what do you expect? Taarh! Sheer hypocrites!

It was Lotanna who’d been playing outside with some friends who ran in to inform me in the backyard that noon that Women Leader was around. And I told her to tell the Nne Efulefu that I was in the kitchen. Before I could say jack!  Ego was charging furiously towards my cooking shed like a mad bulldog, calling me all sorts of names. I asked if she had come to my house to fight or what but she continued to vituperate, threatening heaven and hell. I decided to give her a short history lesson, reminding her of all the atrocities she committed when I was in similar predicament but she’d have none of it. Instead, she continued to rain invectives on the poor girl and me.

It is true after all, what our elders say that he who lives in glass should throw no stones. You see mistake has no master so why do we all like to act like saints? Only too eager to cast the first stone! Let’s just say she was too glad for what was supposed to be my downfall she didn’t watch her own steps. And thud! She came crashing. Now she thinks the whole world is against her. So much for the hangman who cringes at the sight, nay, mere mention of the rope!

You should have seen how she flared up when I asked for her grandchild’s name so we could address her properly onwards. Before I could shout Upper Iweka! We were in a full blown fight beating, slapping and hitting each other every which way. Lotanna and her friends gathered but there was little or nothing they could do. It was a fight to finish.

Onye Ntisa – Igbo term for one who scatters
Nne Efulefu – Igbo term for mother to one with no roots

Do read my non fiction piece published here https://kalaharireview.com/the-interesting-life-of-a-bespectacled-naturalista-56fdf6b4bae3?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C2460533882

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